Ashi: This is done in different parts. Purple horizontal bars will indicate the different parts.
Part one: The Big Bang Theory
Zelgadis: What relevance does the title of this RMI have to us?
Ertai: SO glad you asked!
Lina: Oh, so you know?
Ertai: ...
Lina: ER-tai...
Ertai: ...hm? Oh. No.
Lina: #[stressmark]
Zephyre: Could the title possibly be a fortelling of our demise as RMI stars?
Xellos: Sore wa himitsu desu!
Ashi: *said quite scholarly* As sad, and as cliche' as Xellos' line was, you all have to admit, that was about as normal humor as we could have gotten to.
Aydin: Why do you have to be so damned serious about it?! It's like you're sad to see us go or something...
Ashi: Hn. Not like I'd tell you if I liked you guys anyway! IN any case! The real meaning behind the title is a symbolic one!
Amelia: Like the Hammer of Justice!
Ashi: Well, no... Not at all like that.
Amelia: T_T! How... unjust.
Gourry: Wasn't the Big Bang Theory something to do with dynamite? And the universe?
Lina: Surprisingly sharp... >_>
Zephyre: This is DEFINITELY the last RMI... >_>
Ashi: Actually that's right Gourry! YOU get a gold star! *takes out a pack of gold star stickers*
Gourry: Oh wow! It's so shiny! *sticks it on the hilt of his sword* I have now been dubbed a Shiny Knight!
Ertai: Wait, Zephyre, this is the last RMI...?
Zephyre: Yep.
Ertai: But...! What about...? And the...? WHERE WAS MY TWO WEEKS NOTICE?! I STILL HAVE BILLS TO PAY HERE PEOPLE!!!
Ashi: WHY do you still have bills to pay? I thought by signing the contract with Puju as his muse, you'd have accomodations on behalf of Evil Spork! Productions?
Ertai: Apparently, some BS on 'urban renewal' in the domain has UP-PED my cost of living. But of course, YOU would know nothing about that since it happened so abruptly, would you, ASHI?
Ashi: ^^' Eh-Heh... Of course not. But anyway, the title is a nostalgic reference of how we first started RMIs. It all started one day in the summer of 2001-
Xellos: Oh! You're going to make this so boring! And heartfelt and sappy, and I just can't have that! So I think myself or...myself in this elegant chef costume should give the speech.
Ashi: Fine. Steal my nostalgia. I don't care. *cries...and then stops*
Xellos: *in elegant chef costume* RMIs started in the year 2001, when radioactive summer bums were about to go extinct.
Ashi: HEY! I RESENT THAT!
Aydin: I'm sure Mr. Puju doesn't!
Ashi:*smacks him upside the head* No fair! He isn't here to defend himself, you ASS!
Aydin: Bite me.
Zephyre: Only if Lina's hungry enough to oblige to your request.
Lina: HEY! I didn't even DO anything to you yet!
Zephyre: It beckoned for some snide remark that would be taken out on your worthless behalf.
Zelgadis: Stop getting off task!
Xellos *still in costume*: Thus, to ultimately make sure that they would be remembered, they started a venture in publishing a ever-practicing practice of "literary comedy."
Zelgadis: "Literary" my ass...
Ashi: *glares at Zel* Ya know, I usually save throwing computer appliances at Ertai, but I think these non-working speakers would look nice shoved in your ears...
Ertai: Speaking of that, shouldn't I be entitiled to worker's comp?!
Zephyre: Not in the contract.
Ertai: ...*no words*
Xellos: *STILL in costume*: They thought they were funny, so they posted their sub-par works.
Ashi: This is making me look bad. How the HELL did I let you talk?
Xellos *you already know*: Accordingly, their site gained many hits after that, and also gained admirable status on Anipike. However, they noticed that their work was becoming more and more mediocre by the day, and sadly, it had to come to an end.
Zelgadis: Especially since their "literary" works weren't that "literary" in the first place. *a set of 'JBL-Platinum Series' speakers narrowly misses his head*
Gourry: So how is this a reference to The Fig Band Theory again?
Lina: *bops Gourry in the head* That's BIG BANG Theory!
Aydin: In basic terms, the one RMI that Ashi did over one summer started so much more than what they started with.
*Gourry is still confused*
Zephyre: We need lamer terms here, Aydin. You're failing to produce. Maybe I'll start milking people out of contract liability since the contracts are almost void...
Lina: You're nothing more than a moocher!
Zephyre: You're one to talk, you thief! Hell! You're even lowlier than a thief since you steal from them!
Lina: At least by stealing I earn my keep! You're just leeching off people!
Zephyre: And like you don't do that by just being around!
Lina: What's THAT supposed to mean?!
Ashi: Anyway, this was just supposed to be a regular RMI that would salute and give a hopeful farwell to the cast that started it all!
Ertai: Hopeful my ASS! I'm getting Dynast as my attorney and I'm sueing!!!
Ashi: Puju, if you're out there... We're gonna have our first lawsuit!
Amelia: Can I be the judge with the rainbow wig again?
Gourry: I wanna be the baliff too!
Ashi: Hey! This is serious! ERTAI was serious!
Zelgadis: And this is seriously over with.
Part 2: This IS My Final Answer
Puju: Look, RMIs are great okay? However, the Slayers are done. That's it. End of story. Our new plan is to use different characters. Like those from Yu Yu Hakusho or Inu Yasha or even stuff we made up. The RMI format will not die in vain, but Lina and co. are through. No more.
Amelia: But that's not FAIR!
Xelloss: I thought you would be more understanding than Miss Ashi, but you're even more abrupt and nonchalant than -she- was...
Aydin: This is SO unfair. I never even got out of the RMI stage!! ATALYA got more fic-coverage than I did!
Puju: That -does- seem wrong, doesn't it... ^^'
Atalya: What are you tryin' to say?!
Xelloss: That you're worthless. Get out of here. >D
Atalya: *runs off crying* You're all just jealous that the RMI-fic was about ME!
Lina: We need to beat some sense into her...I was SO obviously the main character.
Zephyre: Riiiiiiiiight..."SO obviously"
Gourry: This isn't very funny...Lina, what's goin on?
Lina: We're getting fired, moron!!
Gourry: Really? But we never got paid!!
Lina: ...
Zephyre: ...
Zelgadis: ...
Xelloss: ...
Aydin: ...
Amelia: ...
Ertai: ...
Puju: Yeah...well...such is life as a fictional chracter brought back to life by a couple of High School kids. Get over it. >D
Ertai: Man...I'm REALLY gonna get you guys in a court of law!
Puju: *shrugs* If we don't write about you, you don't exist. If you can organize a case by the time I finish this then go ahead. >D
Ertai: FINE! I -WILL- ! *leaves*
Zelgadis: You're going to end this now, aren't you...
Puju: How very perceptive! We always said you were the smart one, Zel. ^^
Aydin: You CAN'T! I'm not ready to be canned yet! This isn't my fault!
Zephyre: Don't you have any pride in your work? This has been like, the crappiest RMI ever.
Puju: Better to kill it before it gets any worse then, right? >D
Amelia:*crying* STOP THREATENING US!
Puju: Okay. *moves mouse over the "Send" button"
RMI Cast: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YOU CAN' ---*
Part Three: MC-EN : Ertai sues ES!Pro.!
random voice of Deacon Talbert: ALL RISE FOR THE HONORABLE -yeah right- CHIEF JUSTICE, ARI-CHAN!!!
Ari-chan: I HEARD THAT!! *pulls a string and a giant block of stone that says 'The Judge's Contempt' falls on Deacon Talbert* ^0^! OH! I love my powers! BUT, really. What unworthy claims of justice to you people want from me? But first, do you each have an attorney?
Ertai: Yes: Dynast Grausherra.
Ashi: Yes: Xellos Metallium.
Puju: Are you sure about this? I mean...it's XELLOS. He could just, ya know, sell us out for his own pleasure...
Ashi: I know what I'm doing. Besides, I'm second counsel, since YOU'RE the one Ertai is mostly aiming at since he was under your contract, mostly.
Lina: BOO! BOTH SIDES NEED TO BE DRAGON-SLAVED!!! THEY'RE ALL ASSES!!
Gourry: I like pickles!
Ari-chan: *In impersonation of Lil John* WWWW-WHAT?! Let's get on with the position part!
*Dynast approaches the Chief*
Dynast: Your Honor, my client, Ertai...well, I forget his last name, but, Ertai has been denied equal treatment and guarantees, as well as worker's compensation from his employers, Ashi and Puju.
*Xellos also approaches the Chief*
Xellos: And...we're basically not staking claim to it.
Ashi: Such a great muse! ^_^ So blunt! I love it!
Puju: -.- ...
Ari-chan: Okay, Prosecutor! Call your witnesses to back your claim! *proceeds to put on her rainbow wig, and plays with her Hammer of Justice*
Amelia: *from the watcher's arena* T_T How come I was denied...?
Atalya: It's okay Amelia! Ashi was just letting other females have a chance at greatness! I love Ari-chan! She's so COOL!!!
Zephyre: UGH! STOP drooling on me!
Dynast: The Prosecutor calls to the stand...Ertai! *DUN DUN, DUN!!*
Ari-chan: *cutely* AXE the dramatic music! Because it should only be used for ME. ^.^
Dynast: Mr. Ertai, in your time of working for Evil Spork! Productions, specifially under Puju as Muse, what atrocities were you taking under?
Ertai: Well, not only have I been -a MAJORITY OF THE TIME- portrayed incorrectly, but I have several times been clunked in the head with computer appliances, tissue boxes, neglected, and been denied worker's comp because of it.
Xellos: OBJECTION! Worker's Comp is NOT guaranteed in the contract! ^__^
Ashi: What did I tell ya, Puju, Xellos has got this in the bag!
Puju: Hey! You're right! ^0^ \\//
Ari-chan: *looks at her copy of the contract* Hmm, so, Prosecutor. You now only have a case against Inaccurate Portrayal... I bet you only have evidence to support that part of your case in a sure-fire way to win. Therefore, you have nothing to support the rest of your claim...?
Dynast: *doesn't look phased* No, Your Honor. In Section 3 of Article 406 and 5/4, there states that "no muse, whether created or borrowed can be Inaccurately Portrayed."
Ashi: WHAT?! I NEVER put that in there! Xellos...
Xellos: What? I may enjoy being with you and wrecking havoc, but I had to protect myself, ya know.
Puju: This is just great. We're gonna be canned before we even go to college!
Ari-chan: Well, that DOES cause a problem for YOU, Defendant. In this case, I'd have to rule in favor of the Prosecutor-
Ertai: YES!! EAT -THAT- YOU SLAVE DRIVERS FROM HELL!!!
Ari-chan: -HOWever... There are no set laws for the Internet. Therefore, the fact that the Defendant had even written up a contract makes it null and void because all of these happenings have taken place on purely '1011010001' terms, which is not within the jurisdiction of the Court you THOUGHT this was! >D BWAHAHAHHAHAAA! -I- AM LAW!!! And I rule in favor of Ashi and Puju anyway because I love their writing! ^0^!
Puju: Well, as chaotic as that turned out, I won't have to waste my college money on bail!
Zelgadis: I was wondering why there was no jury.
Filia: That's right! You go Ari-chan! You did Filia proud!
Amelia: But, Miss Filia. She ruled in favor of Xellos!
Filia: Technically, yes. But it was Ashi and Puju. *sweetly* Besides, I'm going to smash Ashi in her face later for picking him to be on their counsel.
Amelia and Atalya: o_o' Eh-heh... Independent women...
Final Part: Memorabilia
Final Note: We would like to formally thank all the members of The Slayers for participating in our random adventures in mediocre internet literature. We ask that all of our readers never forget:
Lina - For her random acts of violence
Gourry - For his lack of obervational skills, being oblivious to everything
Zelgadis - For his unnecessary cynicism and criticism
Amelia - For embracing life in RMIS with a "Brother's Hug" <--If you never saw that episode of NEXT where Prince Phil fakes his death, go watch it again with subtitles, its great :)
Xelloss - For his hilariously sinister nature
Filia - For her tempermental behavior and giant mace with which to whack stuff
Additionally, despite being extras in the grand scheme of things, we want you to remember the other guys:
Zephyre - For hating Lina and sparking an enmity stronger than anything we've ever seen
Atalya - For being easy to make fun of
Ertai - For being ridiculously overzealous and excited for no apparent reason
Aydin - For allowing us to poke fun at our own laziness in fictional writing
In closing, we want to leave these fictional characters one final message:
